Should I Break my leg?

My BFF just fell and broke her leg at cheer practice.  Now her mom, who use to neglect her all the time, caters to her every whim and takes her shopping all the time.  She is even going to buy her a car right after her leg heals.  At school she gets so much attention from everyone and the boys always offer to carry her books and sometimes even carry her to class.  It makes me so sick.  I am thinking of breaking my leg now.  What is the least painful way to break my leg? Marggie -Boulder, Colorado Are you out of your %U*Y%* mind??? No matter what it would be a horrible idea to break your leg. Let me tell you a story about my buddy Chad growing up.  Chad prayed to God for his mom to pay more attention to him.  One day he fell off his bike and broke both legs and both arms putting him in a quadra cast.  Guess What??  He got lots of attention from his mommy who had to help him to pee and wipe his butt like he was two years old.  For six months.  Yeah, he got attention. Just be happy with the knowledge that when she gets her cast off, she is going to have to shave that leg twice as often as the other one.  You can laugh all you want at her noon leg shadow during cheer practice.

Burn Baby

I just got fired from my job at Jack-In-The-Box for hitting on the smoking hot manager.  It seems like they are discriminating against me for her sexually harassing me.  What does she expect, she's hot? Should I burn the place down?  I want to go get a bunch of gas and light that building on fire. Janice - Portland, Oregon Uh, dude.  NO.  As a psychologist I am legally obligated to tell someone about this.  Burning some place down not only destroys property, but could put lives in danger.  We don't want anyone dead. Besides, gas is way too expensive right now.

A psychiatrist friend

I want a psychiatrist friend who would come over when I needed and counsel me. Faraz Chandaer -Germany I want a psychiatrist friend who would come over when I needed and council me.   I want a mechanic friend that will come over all the time and fix my cars. Oh, and a maid friend too.  But unfortunately all my friends are raging alcoholics and panhandlers who think my house is a place to hang out and do lines of cocaine in my bathroom while texting their wives that they have to stay late at work again. I’m guessing you need decent friends and not free professionals to hang out with you. If things are really that bad, try checking our yahoo answers. If that isn’t cutting it, I hear barkeeps are pretty knowledgeable. Actually there was this one time when I was coming down from a regular does of Benadryl and I realized that I had been living with what I though was a wicked awesome woman but come to find out it was a 35 year old pot belly pig name Juniper. So I went to this bar about 3 blocks from the apartment I was renting (which was leased in Junipers name, go figure) and the barkeep there was so ticked off because he said I smelled like a barnyard, which of course made me breakdown into hysterics and so he offered me a hit of whiskey. His name was Benji or Jed, something trendy like that. And so I looked at him and said “Hey man, I need someone to talk to.” He proceeded to roll his eyes and tell me that’s not part of his job. But I kept talking anyways. Before I knew it like 4 hours had passed and I had had like 15 tall waters (cause I forgot my wallet back with Juniper) and I couldn’t pay for anything else. And wouldn’t you know it, this girl walked over and said “Hey man, did you just say you had a pig name Juniper?” and I was all like “Yeah, sort of” and she was all “That’s my pig. I had a wild couple of months and lost her”. And that’s when I knew that I really loved that pig because there was no way I was going to let this chick take her from me. Long story short…. I have no clue where I was going with that.

I want to dress to impress.

I want to impress people with a nice expensive watch, maybe gold with diamonds.  What would you suggest? Jamone Smith - Lexington, Colorado If you are not pimping a Rhodium Watch encrusted with Red Diamonds you are not rocking the jewelry. If you are looking for flashy so people think you are rich, don't wear gold, it's poor people accessories, go with the true valued stuff.

Placenta Party

Q: My wife and I are considering eating the placenta after our baby is born.  We are doing a water home birth and learned that this is a guaranteed way to ensure a long and successful life for our baby.  I have not found any credible information about this online and when we asked our doctor he said not to do it.  I know the doctor is an idiot, so how do we go about this?? A: Oh boy.  Or girl.

Is hating a certain Race wrong?

Is it wrong to hate a certain race?  I don't understand why I can't have my preferences. Kamereon - Florida There is nothing wrong with it at all.  Personally I absolutely hate marathons.  Those things suck. Of course like everyone, I enjoy watching the start when the handi people are tripping over the handicapped people, or even the finish where everyone seems to be balling their eyes out and get attacked by family congratulating them on a great race. But the 14 1/2 hours in between bores me to death. Triathlons scare the hell out of me because I'm afraid of water and Bicycles remind me of clowns, by other great fear. I'm still horrified when I was watching the "Boulder Boulder" in Colorado and needed to pee.  Went to the port-a-potty and there was poop a foot above the top of the bowl.  I could only ponder how over the course of the morning these healthy eating athletes had to magically hover over the top to add to the pile because there was no pull up bar at the top..... Nascar.  Now that's something to watch, especially when they crash and wreck their pretty $1.5 million dollar car, get doused with a fire extinguisher, and jump out of the car waiving at a cheering drunk crowd.