I want a psychiatrist friend who would come over when I needed and counsel me. Faraz Chandaer -Germany I want a psychiatrist friend who would come over when I needed and council me. I want a mechanic friend that will come over all the time and fix my cars. Oh, and a maid friend too. But unfortunately all my friends are raging alcoholics and panhandlers who think my house is a place to hang out and do lines of cocaine in my bathroom while texting their wives that they have to stay late at work again. I’m guessing you need decent friends and not free professionals to hang out with you. If things are really that bad, try checking our yahoo answers. If that isn’t cutting it, I hear barkeeps are pretty knowledgeable. Actually there was this one time when I was coming down from a regular does of Benadryl and I realized that I had been living with what I though was a wicked awesome woman but come to find out it was a 35 year old pot belly pig name Juniper. So I went to this bar about 3 blocks from the apartment I was renting (which was leased in Junipers name, go figure) and the barkeep there was so ticked off because he said I smelled like a barnyard, which of course made me breakdown into hysterics and so he offered me a hit of whiskey. His name was Benji or Jed, something trendy like that. And so I looked at him and said “Hey man, I need someone to talk to.” He proceeded to roll his eyes and tell me that’s not part of his job. But I kept talking anyways. Before I knew it like 4 hours had passed and I had had like 15 tall waters (cause I forgot my wallet back with Juniper) and I couldn’t pay for anything else. And wouldn’t you know it, this girl walked over and said “Hey man, did you just say you had a pig name Juniper?” and I was all like “Yeah, sort of” and she was all “That’s my pig. I had a wild couple of months and lost her”. And that’s when I knew that I really loved that pig because there was no way I was going to let this chick take her from me. Long story short…. I have no clue where I was going with that.