At what point in your relationship did you realize you were dealing with a narcissist and the relationship was just way too unhealthy for you to be in? Lorin Reznor - Boston, Mass When it was Waaaaaay toooo late. Usually people only find out after they broke up do they suspect they are more than just a garden-variety asshole. According to the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (United States, 2004–2005) narcissistic personality disorder occurs in 6.2% of the general population, both sexes, all races. It occurs in 4.8% of women.