White House Raid

What do you think would happen if rioters stormed the White House to try to burn it down? Zelda - San Francisco, CA Well, with todays news and cameras rolling, I think we would get something pretty spectacular to feast our eyes on- however, the conspiracist in my says that the White House has some crazy technology that disables this kind of thing during such an event. • If the President were in the building at the time, he would certainly be either evacuated on Marine One or taken to the secure command center which was built to withstand a nuclear blast. • The Secret Service would open fire with live ammunition into the charging crowd as they have a standing “shoot to kill” order (their jobs are to protect the POTUS at all costs). • If, by some crazy miracle, the rioters made it into the building itself, they would be met with even more resistance inside, and the few that managed to survive all of that, if any, wouldn't last much longer because you could be sure that the Army and Marines would already be on the ground or not far out by that point. • The White House is one of the most secure buildings in the United States.The only chance someone could conceivably have is if they were a foreign power with a strong presence already on American soil with armored, naval, infantry, and air superiority over most of DC and the surrounding regions. Otherwise, it's a death sentence that only the insane or outright stupid would attempt. In the face of these counter measures, the rioters will decide that storming the White House was a bad idea. The white house looks all glam and fabulous, but Just because you can’t see these things doesn’t mean they don’t exist. The actual White House defense system isn’t made known to the public. Its top secret need to know level information. We can guess a few things. There are armed sniper personnel with shoot to kill orders. We can guess that gas (tear gas, pepper spray, oxogen depletion gas, acid from a snail) would be used. My next guess is some sort of noise apparatus, 500 decibels or greater could be all around the grounds. I’m not ruling out permanent ear damage, and noise sufficient to cause people to collapse, get confused, and beg to die. Finally maybe jet water cannons, tens of thousands of gallons per second like they use to cut metal, the kind that cut off your feet and toss them back a few dozen yards like a super bowl pitch back. It would need coordination, it would take planning, it would take communication, and finally it would take “rioters” on the ground to implement the plan. None of this will take place without the Secret Service having full knowledge because you know, "Big Brother is watching" and stuff.

Saved by the Bell

I've watch the "Saved by the Bell" tv show back in the day, but what does that phrase really mean? Kryspen G. -Los Angeles Mr. Lost Angels, In modern times it is told to boxers who were just about to get knocked out but get to take a break in the corner to get the blood on their face and tears wiped off. But back in the Victorian Days, when people did not know what a pulse was and could not figure out if someone was dead or just sleeping, they would put them in coffins thinking the worst.  But, if the person were to wake up in the coffin they would have to bang on the inside of the box until they were blue in the face, literally, and no one would hear them, especially in the middle of an abandoned graveyard. The geniuses of the time decided to start putting ropes inside the coffin with ropes going outside so they can pull on it to ring a bell to let everyone know they had not died. The gravediggers were paid to hang out for a few days after bodies were buried to listen for bells. If they heard a bell they would have to dig up the body and save them from certain death, saved by the bell.

Energy Problems

What do you think is going to be the ultimate solution of the energy crisis? Olivia -Cape Coral, Florida Nothing, Nope, Not going to happen. There is NOT a power source on the planet that a large group of people are not pissed about and will fight and riot to the end of the earth to get rid of. People up in arms about solar because it ruins the landscape and kills animals and grass, Hate wind power because it causes too much noise to the communities and causes hearing aids to buzz and attracts dinosaurs, hate nuclear because it's scary and used in war, hate natural gas because it's ruining the planet and causing global warming not to mention scary, Hydrogen is bad because it causes cancer, destroys water, and scary, Tidal energy is polluting the oceans and causing lighthouses to miscalculate their beams of light making it so space aliens to land in the wrong places and abduct the wrong type of cows for their science experiments, the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and $(&^%@* on.... ...seems like people just like to complain more than they do finding a global solution. I'll just stick with my semi unregulate nuclear water fusion gyroscopic fludder capacitor reactor in my neighbors garage.  As long as no one knows about it they won't care.

Silly Crime

What's the silliest crime you ever got arrested for? Alex Jesus Marchovick -Dallas, Texas Quite a few pretty stupid things have gotten me arrested with random charges, however.... I was painting a mural for a city project in Denver in the early 1990s when an activist, who did not like public art, got a cop and informed them of an obscure law that if a person is in possession of more than 6 cans of spray paint that it was considered “Possessing Spray Paint with intent on committing vandalism” despite what you might be actually doing with them…. Well, I happened to have in my possession over 1400 cans of spray paint for this particular project in a giant on site storage locker and the police decided to “go with it” and I was placed under arrest and charged with a felony “Conspiracy to commit Vandalism” Charge of some sort. After many court appearances and offers for a dumbed down of charges, I finally got my day in court and the jury that was chosen could not stop laughing during the trial because of the stupidity so the judge made the decision to let the jury go, reprimand the prosecution for dragging this out, had the police officer and his superior removed from their job, and fined the activist for the court costs. I decided not to file a civil suit for the activist at that time.

Crime Lab

What was the first crime lab? Bryce -Seattle, Washington I think that Scotland Yard's Henry Goddard in the early 1800’s was the first officially, however growing up I would have sworn that Fred Jones was the first to do it with his dog Scooby and close friends driving around in their vintage van.

prison fun

Is the prison system barbaric? My friend Jayson had to do 7 days for a DUI and came out with two black eyes, all cut up, and his jaw wired shut. What kid of people do they let in their that would do that kind of thing? Samir -Pueblo, Colorado Well Samir, sounds to me like Jayson didn't fair too well in jail. You might be surprised to know that they have criminals, like real criminals, that hang out inside those prison bars. Jayson I'm guessing didn't fit in too well and won't tell you about the butthole he came home with that semi trucks can unload their goods into. Yeah, prison and jail suck and I'm hoping that you and your friends can avoid that place. If not, you better learn to take a beating, I suggest going to either women's sumo wrestling school or dominatrix hooker training in the Bronx from my friend Ken on 7th ave. Both will get you use to getting tossed around by giant fat bottom girls who will send you home everyday a bit like Jayson did. Have fun.

Class X Felony

My husband was charged with class X aggravated battery and held with no bond. He has no criminal record. How much time is he looking at? Marsha -Long Beach, California Marsha, I would suggest you set up accounts with Hello Cupid, Tinder, and Farmers Only right away because that dude ain't comin home anytime soon and you don't want to be senile old lonely hot chick for the next 50 years of your amazing life. Make sure that on your photos you use a good camera and have one of your girlfriends help you with getting all dolled up.  Having a puppy in your picture and a bottle of wine helps get more attention to your profile. Showing a bit of cleavage is encouraged as well as a proper sun dress.  Lie, lie, lie on your profile like you did to lure your husband in when you first met, it seemed to have gotten you a swell dude the first time.

Astronaut Dreams

Am I allowed to leave Earth if I had an actual working spacecraft? Mike M. -Colorado Mike, DUDE!!! You got a spaceship? if you can afford a spacecraft, then you can afford good lawyers that will tell everyone who has a problem with it to piss off.  But rather than getting shot down by the Russians or not be allowed back The US will want at least: Proof your spacecraft is safe to fly (NASA or the FAA will be involved) A flight plan (FAA) Proof your spacecraft won’t disrupt operations of other spacecraft near Earth (FCC), especially your spacecraft’s radios and future debris risk. (This stems from US responsibilities under the Outer Space Treaty). A license for any camera shots or live broadcasts of Earth (NOAA got stuck regulating Earth-observing cameras). A mental evaluation to make sure you are not bat shit crazy. On that note, make sure to make public the giant turtle that is holding up the flat earth on his back.  I hear her name is Henry, but I have not personally seen her yet but I bet she is beautiful. I must note that this does not address garage-built David Adair specials, UFOs recovered and fixed from a wild fishing expedition in the Bermuda Triangle, or spacecraft acquired as a result of hooking up with a friendly alien after a lot of beers and cocaine. For likely government intervention in those situations, I suggest reviewing this documentary on government oppression of radical innovators, which might be more insightful for you conspiracy dudes, who I have the upmost respect for.


How do people write graffiti on bridges above highways? Brenda G. - Phoenix, AZ They climb, sometimes with rope and climbing gear. lol. There are also attachments for paint sticks so you can reach up 30 feet or more. “Someone I know” use to jump onto semi trucks when they parked for the night in alleyways to rest and paint a big tag. Then when the truck left in the morning everyone was amazed how someone could do such work up so high. I know a few people that used the window washer lifts to drop down to the middle of a building and tag their names, it was pretty impressive looking. One of the most influential graffiti taggers might have actually worked for the city and while "fixing" signs on the freeway just added his name while he was on the clock, so your tax dollars were hard at work keeping his name on the 5 freeway in LA.


What are some tips for doing graffiti? Mika - Buena Vista, CA Don't get caught.